Who has money problems? Everywhere we look, if we shared
check books, credit account information, and income to debt ratio; we’d find
out that the majority of everyone around us – has money problems.
Unexpected repairs, emergencies, poor spending
habits, living beyond the income to try to enjoy the activities that others do,
and a thousand more excuses can be given to why we suffer with money problems.
Is it really possible to keep our total debt
below our income and have enough to save for emergencies?
The only person who
can answer this – is the one who manages your income and your home finances.
It depends on the individual and each situation.
Solutions that help one person – may not help another. But
how many choose to make their money situations worse by not changing how they
budget and spend their money? How many make excuses to justify their money
problems? How many rely upon another to get them through their money problems,
instead of, solving money troubles their self? How many lean on “borrow” - as
their money solution for every money problem they experience?
When we are emotionally stressed over money – our logical
and rational parts of our brain that help us balance our emotions; does not
appear to work. Why?
Because we won’t
let it or we’ve never been taught how to let it help us. Most can’t or
won’t acknowledge these sections of the brain that balance us out.
Many refuse
to learn how to become more rational and logical thinkers. Instead, we
comfortably choose the chaos and stresses we create as the primary emotional
thinkers and responders – we are.
But what happens when we keep doing
the same old things with the same old results? Isn’t that exhausting and aging
fast on us – what is the origin of all this?
Nature is the genetics and biochemistry of each human body and individual person.
Nurture is what we were born and subjected too of the experiences that make us an individual of
who each of us are.
For many, we can build up years of bad behaviors and harmful repetitive
ways of life that it clouds our judgment and our decision making abilities. We
do not even admit, realize, or acknowledge the things that make each of us who we
are.
We are not taught that we can choose what our brains are capable
of. We are not taught that we can learn about our emotions. We are not taught that
we can control the bad that happened to us by learning the good. We are taught
through our experiences and accept this as the final control of who we are to do what we do.
If our experiences were bad, we learned how to be bad.
If our experiences were good, we learned how to be good.
But in all this
learning – most are never given the choice to the lessons and tools they want
to use to become the person they choose to be. Most never value learning because of the wasted information we have been given that did not help us - so why should try on our own to learn how to better self?
Even the most elite and prestige of our society who appear
to have it all – mostly do not. Why? Ask them if they had a choice? Ask
them if they really got to decide for their self what they choose to be in
life? Did their parents pressure them to become who they are as adults? Do they
allow influence of others to dictate who they are and became? Do they really
take control of their life to create it and make it as they choose to be? Are they willing to put forth the effort to learn what they want or simply accept what they have been given?
Ignorance is not an excuse. Placing blame in not an excuse.
It can explain why we do what we do or what we did. Sympathy and empathy can help us understand each other but it does not take away the accountability each will be responsible for. Sooner or later – the experiences,
the choices, and the consequences will only fall on each individual person to
answer for.
A parent cannot forever protect their child/adult child from
the mistakes they make. Accountability to our choices and actions will be
answered by each.
Facts and evidence will always be stronger than denial. The
truth is that ignorance is a reality that most of us live in – especially –
with our money and how we manage our finances.
This is not too belittle anyone. I survived these very same
things I blog about. It is not easy to admit change must occur and it's hard to do. But it is worth the efforts to try and to keep on trying to solve problems and prevent problems - especially with money.
So please, do not take emotional defense nor emotional offense to this, just yet.
For one second, keep an open mind and an open heart.
Answer these questions and then make your evaluation. The
answers may surprise you about your response and who you are too.
·
When you
have money problems do you feel tightening or tension increasing the sensations
in your spine, back of your neck, or pain in your head – what do you do?
·
When money
problems require an immediate solution do you feel your blood boil, your tears
swell, or your nerves feel like they are on fire or jittery inside you – what do
you do?
·
Does your
palms feel sweaty or your mouth increase in moisture when you are forced to
think of solutions about your money problems – what do you do?
·
What tone
of voice do you use to try to convince another that you need money?
·
Does your
voice crack, waver in tone and pitch asking for money?
·
Do you
use consistent volume in your vocal plea for money assistance?
·
How do
you feel inside when another rejects to help you in your money problem?
In the answers you give to these questions, did you think about
your answers? Did you consider what you really felt? Can you name the emotions
that make you feel certain ways about money problems?
Now imagine yourself, in someone else’s money situation for
a second. Imagine, they are just as hard pressed as you are to find solutions
for their money problems – as you are yours. Their money problems are just as
important as your money problems.
- What would you say to them?
- How do you think they would answer these questions? What would you notice about their emotions and their body reactions if you could witness them living the questions above?
- Would their body reactions and emotional levels be the same?
- Would they react differently emotionally and in their body responses?
- Why do you think this is?
Our body responses of feeling our nerves become jittery
inside or increased palm sweating and tension in our necks, spines, or head
pains can be produced by the internal thoughts and emotions we are having – not
necessarily by the external stimuli going on around us.
How we feel about money
and our money problems affect us personally within through our thoughts and our
emotions. These processes occur deep within - before they ever reach the surface
of our external body.
We cloud our internal thoughts and emotions by focusing on these overwhelming impulses that
come from money problems. We feel anger, depression, anxiety, fear, defensive,
and offensive. We want these pains of money problems to stop. But yet - we don't change our thoughts or emotions of money and therefore, we won't do anything different to solve the money problem either. We self-sabotage instead.
We are human beings. We are programmed by nature and nurture
of our biochemistry and our life experiences that help us to solve problems – but these
same processes; also helps us create our problems; when we are not aware to
what makes a human being an individual person. We don't allow our self the ability to admit we messed up and that we are responsible for changing our ways to stop and prevent problems. We think mistakes, errors, and hard lessons are only for children to gain in their life lessons.
Adults do have a harder time accepting their consequences and mistakes than children ever will. Who is immature and without forgiveness now?
Mental health and psychology is not just for those who are struggling
with diagnosed medical conditions. These entities of learning emotional health
and gaining new skills of rational and logical reasoning are for each person to
try and gain.
·
How do
you know that you need help if you never ask?
·
How do
you know what you are missing out on, if you never try something new?
·
How can
you ever learn to overcome mistakes or repetitive issues – if you never seek to
learn to try something new or different?
Money problems are always issues that run deeper than what
appears to be on the surface. One can look at a checkbook to see the errors
or view statements to know the interest being paid on an
item is not worth the value purchased. One can view the logical and rational information that
displays the mistakes of financing.
But what one cannot see – is the processes, thoughts, and emotions
going on in the person who is struggling to overcome their money problems and the
source that produces these mistakes. We cannot feel their emotional impulses that makes
them create bad choices that produce their money problems.
Prevention and awareness are healing elements to overcome
money problems. There are no short-term fixes of money. Money problems can
only be solved through dedication and persistence to eliminate the problem and working
to make sure the problem never occurs again.
Just as 100 pennies add up to equal a dollar - so does correcting money problems. It takes 100 little money problems to make 1 large money problem. Fixing those 100 little problems should be the focus - not the 1 huge money problem.
Imagine all the pennies that have been thrown away – tossed out
and even trashed. It is with penny control that allows dollars to be
controlled. Without having gratitude for one penny; a person will never
appreciate a stack of dollar bills either.
The internet is a library of useful information. Most of us
never even touch the surface of its potential to help our lives. The choice is
ours. The freedom we have to live, explore, learn, and survive is within each
of us to do as we wish.
But in this freedom of living by the same old processes
that we have been accustomed too – are we helping our self to grow, mature, and
become more responsible? Or are we really all just insane by living in the same
old processes that produce the same old consequences and having delusions that
our outcomes will be different this time?
Insanity is doing the same repetitive
thing - over and over - and expecting a different outcome. What are the
majority of us in our money problems? Are we financially insane?
·
To stop debt – one must stop spending.
·
To decrease debt – one must pay more than
the minimum payment.
·
To save money on household expenses – one must
change the way they shop to create savings.
·
To save money – one must stop spending money wrecklessly.
·
To decrease money problems – one has to
admit there is a problem and work constantly toward the solution.
Common sense of money is easy to say and hard to do. Emotions
affect the way we think and feel on the outside which makes us react on the
outside. These reactions inside – each of us - affect how we spend, budget, and
manage our money too.
Until a person gets tired of hitting the same hard wall
or falling down to rock bottom of living life on the roller coaster of
emotional highs and lows - afflicted by their money choices and consequences –
they won’t change nor will their money problems.
An addict will not change their habits nor lifestyle nor will
they want to learn new skills to help their life until they chose too.
When an addict gets help it is because they got fed up with
suffering from the choices of their addictions that keeps them in pain. They choose
to break free to stop their addiction - by admitting they have a problem. They
have a plan they are dedicated and focused upon. They work every day to the
core of their emotions and thoughts to overcome. The hard price they pay to
endure suffering withdrawal is worth it when the suffering ends through healing
and recovery and stopping the addiction. They will gain a valuable lesson of their strength, bravery, resilience,
and respect their courage that comes from healing and recovery to give them
peace. Isn’t peace and stress-free what we all want as our ultimate goal of
money? Are we working to achieve this?
We can solve our money problems – even if - our withdrawals
hurt. Positive changes can produce short-term emotional tolls on us to do things
differently or to live in a different way than we are comfortable with of our
money situations. But we should. It’s a long-term investment in our health,
increases our quality of life, and adds more than money to the value of our lives
when we do.
If we do not change how we think, feel, and react to our
money than we only survive with the same constant state of biochemistry
misfortunes to allow nature and nurture to control us to deprive us of the full
potential we can become. Humans control money. Money does not control us.
It is easy to throw tips out there about money management,
financial control, and how to get the most out of our money – but it’s not so easy
to peel off the surface of the problem to gaze deep within – is it?
Think about this. Help is not a sign of weakness. Help is a
sign of strength. Seeking help of new skills and new learning teaches us to
become better than we are yesterday. That’s progression. Not regression. This counteracts the negative effects of insanity in our lives to create positive effects with permanent healthy changes. We can have health relations with money - if work for it.
Moving forward in life requires a focus of a bigger
picture and being able to peacefully enjoy the journey. This is what makes life
worth living! It is admitting and doing the hard stuff to progress from the past emotions of yesterday – to live for the moment
of today and to enjoy the hopes of tomorrow.
Denial is a choice that has harsh consequences. Ignorance
is a reality of truth in each of us. Don’t allow your money problems to take
away from you more than they already have.
Admit the problem. Own the problem. Work little by little
to solve each individual problem. Work to make sure these little problems never
swell into huge money problems again. Only you can be grateful for a penny. Only
you can respect a dollar. Only you can control both.
