Remove the Emotional Ball and Chain from Money

Many times, we focus on paying the bills or the bills not paid that we overlook the fact; that we create the debt and the bills we are in. We get into this stale cycle of not being able to swim around in the financial mess of our creations. Many want a quick fix to money problems without realizing the damage has been years in the making. It takes time to fix and swim above money problems. But it is a goal worth pursuing.

There will be times situations arise as in healthcare expenses and unexpected medical bills or unexpected life emergencies that we are not financially prepared for. Many live in the blink of an eye about money and finances versus using 20/20 vision of hindsight to help guide the how and where money is spent today.

Many times, in life; we never get a second chance to correct our mistakes when we hurt others or are hurt by others. We simply accept come what may. Many quit talking. Many lose trust. Many fear the repercussions of apology or facing their inabilities to change their past mistakes. Many will never make amends for the wrong they do. It’s a sad truth of human nature and about relationships of marriage, parenting, partners, families, and friends.

But with money and finances, we do have control to make amends. We do have an effective 20/20 hindsight that we can look back upon to do the right things with our money now. No pride to feel trampled upon. No personal shame of admitting wrong. Just a silent transition to be made to turn bad money mistakes around.

Crimes of finances and money will be harder to turn around with a conviction record but will not be impossible to do, if a person chooses to make restitution and a lifestyle change that amends the damage done.

For some people, once trust is broken; you will never gain it back, no matter how many positive changes and exceptional honest results you create. This is okay too. For their opinion is their right to choose who to trust and who not to trust; just as you trust who you want too as well. It’s not personal. It’s a financial and logical evaluation of people that require no emotions. If you were in their situation, would you trust you when you fouled up in the criminal system? It’s not personal. Some are truly less forgiving and less trusting because of the hurt they endured because of the broken loyalty or broken trust they have survived.

For many, they focus on the emotional aspects and they forget to use their logical and rational brain processes to ease their emotional burdens. Our heart gives us emotions to feel life and enjoy life. Our brain gives us the tools we need rationally, logically, and maturely to handle and cope healthy through the bad stuff.

An addict of gambling thrives on the thrill on the chase to beat the game. To beat the video lottery machine. To compete with self and to compete with inanimate objects. When a lottery win occurs or a machine locks up to spew out large sums of cash, the gambler is consumed in reaching this high over and over again. The financial detriment that gambling addictions will do is a selfish and destructive high that not only hurts the gambler and the gambler’s finance but hurts and harms others around them. This is time wasted that cannot be replaced. This is money wasted and mostly dishonestly used to a compulsive and addicted gambler.

A gambler addict will justify their funds for gambling as entertainment or to down time or as relaxing. It could not be further from the truth. For when something is of a healthy entertainment or mature relaxing; it will produce a healthy environment for all to enjoy. Mature entertainment will be financially budgeted to be afforded when it is wholesome and honest fun.

So what can a person afford to do with money within a budget? How can a person know if they can afford to buy a large expense or to absorb in an entertaining hobby? How will a hobby or entertainment costs be a wise emotional and logical choice? Are there ways to distinguish healthy from unhealthy things we do with money?

Dana Anspach, is a blogger for Smarter Investor.She is a certified retirement planner who teaches us 5 emotional awareness tipsabout how we emotionally value our money through our spending habits.

·       Love and belonging. If you have trouble creating connections and meaningful relationships, you may buy things to meet the need of "love.”

·       Play and fun. If you are a workaholic, spending can become a substitution for fun and play in your life. You may meet this need with a fun purchase or expensive vacation instead of creating a more balanced life.

·       Personal power. Is your spending always someone else’s fault? You had to because...? If you feel like your life is out of your control, spending can create a false sense of control or power at the time.  You may also use it to unconsciously get back at someone or prove something.

·       Freedom. Do you feel trapped by life circumstances, an unsatisfying job or unhappy relationship? Spending can increase in this situation because it feels like an area where you can exercise choice. If you feel trapped, you may overspend.

·       Sadness. People experiencing sadness spend 30 percent more than people in other chronic emotional states. Spending can feel like a way to fill the emptiness that sadness brings.

When spending money is the source of pain creating conflicts; is this the fault of money or the people who have an inability to discuss money rationally and logically? Could it be that many emotionally spout off in hurtful words because they fail to see the bigger picture of responsibility and accountability?

Telling someone, no, about money and purchases can be emotionally hard. But when discussing the no of what cannot be afforded, use rational illustrations of finances and the budget to prove facts of reason versus emotional responses to help others understand why you must say no; even though; emotionally, you want to say yes. Money can be controlled if you choose to control it.

Carl Richards teaches us a new way to view the things we think we can afford in Controlling Your Emotions When Deciding What’s Affordable. She took the time to work through the trade-offs. She understood that by saying “no” to the newcar, she got to say a much bigger “yes” to the goals she built into her budget.It’s only then that we can know whether we can really afford something afterall.

Our income and budgets must have goals. We must have plans to account for every penny and dollar we have in income and what we spend in bills and home budgets. We must be able to say this is a priority or this is a luxury. We must set short-term and long-term goals.

We must cling to the power of control we have over money when we do the right things with our income and budgets. We must not get caught up in the emotional pity or emotional grief or emotional sadness that occurs when we deny our self-something we want or what others want from our money.

The high emotions of spending money can produce euphoria, immediate gratification, increase self-esteem, and make us feel invisible, or superior to others; because of the money we have to spend.

However, just as addict will float high and suffer deep lows of withdrawal or crashes; we can too - when we emotionally attach the value of self to money.

We eat vegetables or take vitamins to keep our bodies healthy. We must keep our emotions and brains healthy by focusing on the bigger picture of our income and budgets by balancing our emotional wants with our essential needs. This balance is created by an individual choice and individual plan to control money before losing control to wants.

With the holiday season of shopping going on all around us, we all seek to gift our loved ones the most expensive or trendiest gift on the market. We want to be able to boast of things we obtain. But can we afford it?

When the bill rolls in to pay for this item will we still smile and feel that good to pay it? When we are still paying on that item 6 months to a year from now; will we still appreciate the value that came from a few seconds of high?

Many spend without giving thought of what they can afford in the short-term and long-term of their money. The payments maybe affordable but when the final payment is paid; will the item be worth it for the hundred or thousand dollars of interest paid on it?

Delayed gratification of money is the best reward to seek in spending and controlling money. Why? Because delayed gratification teaches one to be patient, tolerant, compromise, invest, save, and to reap a larger reward that lasts years longer than seconds of quick high feels resulting in a crash and burn that occurs when emotionally spending money.

Many will disagree I am sure. Many will read between the lines choosing their interpretation. This is okay. As long as you feel in control of your money and that you are doing all you can to do the right things with your money; then there is no debate.

But if you have a dead weight and feel ill toward your income and your budget; then perhaps, learning new skills and new ways to manage old business with a hindsight of 20/20 vision of your finances could help you a lot in your emotional and financial life.

Money is not the tool that buys our happiness. Money is the security that keeps us in our home. Money is the electricity that keeps our lights on. Money is the hygiene that keeps our water flowing to keep us clean. Money is not supposed to be the tears we cry or heartache we feel because we wanted to buy something that we could not afford.

Money is a tool and an object as a hammer is. What we build or destroy with our money and our finances will be the consequences of the actions we chose to do with our money.